Coming Out
Coming out is considered to be one of the most important parts of being LGBTQ+, but it's not always one of the easiest parts. In its essence, the concept is quite simple: coming out is being open about your identity. For some people it is that simple, but in most cases coming out involves awkward or uncomfortable conversations and/or situations. Don't let this possibility discourage you, though! Coming out is a really great experience, regardless of how, when, or to whom you come out.
Please note that much of the information on this page comes from GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens by Kelly Huegel.
Here we've answered some questions you should ask yourself before coming out.
When should I come out?
You should come out when you feel comfortable with yourself. Ask yourself if you are sure of who you are, and if you love and accept that person. It's so much easier to share the person you are with others if you are already comfortable with yourself. Before coming out, you should also consider whether you will be safe when you come out, and have a backup plan just in case.
Okay, so how do I know if I'm safe?
Think about the person you are coming out to. Have they stated an opinion on LGBTQ+ people? Was it positive or negative? If this person has made homophobic or anti-LGBTQ+ statements, perhaps they are not the best person to come out to. If it was a positive and accepting statement, consider whether they will be able to keep a secret. While you may trust this particular person with your identity, they may tell someone that you don't want to know.
If you're thinking about coming out to a community, rather than just a single person, think about your environment. Do you live in a homophobic or closed-minded area? Are the people at home or at school aggressive towards LGBTQ+ people? If so, it might be best to wait to come out until you are able to go somewhere safe if met with homophobia that may put you into danger. However, don't let these discourage you. If you have accepting parents or friends, or live in a neutral or open community, come out when you are ready.
Am I really ready to come out?
This question may seem difficult, and in complete honesty, it is. Keep in mind that you decide when to come out, and should not base this on pressure from people around you. Remember that you should accept yourself first - if you aren't comfortable with yourself, it's probably best to wait. Even if plenty of kids your age are coming out at school or to you, this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to come out at this time. The decision should be completely yours, and should only be made when you feel completely ready.
Why am I coming out?
This question is a bit similar to the previous one. Ask yourself if you are coming out for yourself, or if it's for some other reason. When it comes to coming out, you should be the only one that's important to the decision.
Will people be immediately accepting of my identity?
Chances are, they won't, and that's okay! Although some people will be immediately accepting and understanding, most people will take time to come to terms with who you are, just like it took you a while to come to terms with yourself. For example, if you're identifying with new pronouns, it may take a parent or childhood friend a while to get used to using them. Be patient while to get used to using them. Be patient with them, and remember that they mean no harm when they make mistakes or when they need to ask questions.
Who should I tell?
Choose someone who you trust completely and who you know will be accepting of you no matter what. For some people, this will be a parent or other family adult. For others, it will be a sibling or a friend, or perhaps a guidance counselor or a teacher. As long as you feel comfortable around them, they will make a good person to come out to first.
For help coming out to your family, read this page.
For help coming out to your friends, read this page.
For help coming out at school or in a similar community, read this page.
Read this page if you've been outed and don't know what to do.
Please note that much of the information on this page comes from GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens by Kelly Huegel.
Here we've answered some questions you should ask yourself before coming out.
When should I come out?
You should come out when you feel comfortable with yourself. Ask yourself if you are sure of who you are, and if you love and accept that person. It's so much easier to share the person you are with others if you are already comfortable with yourself. Before coming out, you should also consider whether you will be safe when you come out, and have a backup plan just in case.
Okay, so how do I know if I'm safe?
Think about the person you are coming out to. Have they stated an opinion on LGBTQ+ people? Was it positive or negative? If this person has made homophobic or anti-LGBTQ+ statements, perhaps they are not the best person to come out to. If it was a positive and accepting statement, consider whether they will be able to keep a secret. While you may trust this particular person with your identity, they may tell someone that you don't want to know.
If you're thinking about coming out to a community, rather than just a single person, think about your environment. Do you live in a homophobic or closed-minded area? Are the people at home or at school aggressive towards LGBTQ+ people? If so, it might be best to wait to come out until you are able to go somewhere safe if met with homophobia that may put you into danger. However, don't let these discourage you. If you have accepting parents or friends, or live in a neutral or open community, come out when you are ready.
Am I really ready to come out?
This question may seem difficult, and in complete honesty, it is. Keep in mind that you decide when to come out, and should not base this on pressure from people around you. Remember that you should accept yourself first - if you aren't comfortable with yourself, it's probably best to wait. Even if plenty of kids your age are coming out at school or to you, this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to come out at this time. The decision should be completely yours, and should only be made when you feel completely ready.
Why am I coming out?
This question is a bit similar to the previous one. Ask yourself if you are coming out for yourself, or if it's for some other reason. When it comes to coming out, you should be the only one that's important to the decision.
Will people be immediately accepting of my identity?
Chances are, they won't, and that's okay! Although some people will be immediately accepting and understanding, most people will take time to come to terms with who you are, just like it took you a while to come to terms with yourself. For example, if you're identifying with new pronouns, it may take a parent or childhood friend a while to get used to using them. Be patient while to get used to using them. Be patient with them, and remember that they mean no harm when they make mistakes or when they need to ask questions.
Who should I tell?
Choose someone who you trust completely and who you know will be accepting of you no matter what. For some people, this will be a parent or other family adult. For others, it will be a sibling or a friend, or perhaps a guidance counselor or a teacher. As long as you feel comfortable around them, they will make a good person to come out to first.
For help coming out to your family, read this page.
For help coming out to your friends, read this page.
For help coming out at school or in a similar community, read this page.
Read this page if you've been outed and don't know what to do.
Comments
Post a Comment