Being Outed
Being outed is a reality for many teens, but what exactly is it? Being outed is the name for when your identity is revealed to someone in a way other than you telling them. For example, if you've asked a friend to use different pronouns when talking about you, they might accidentally use your new pronouns in front of your parents or other friends. Your family members might catch you looking at LGBTQ+ websites. Basically, if someone finds out that you're LGBTQ+ without you directly telling them, you've been outed.
In some cases, being outed works out well. Your friends might be really accepting of your identity, and be inclusive and helpful. Your family members might talk to you about the websites to try to understand you better, and everything ends up fine.
Other times, being outed doesn't go that well. You might be bullied at school, and your friends might disrespect your identity. Your parents might yell at you, ignore you, or kick you out of their house. While these may seem extreme, they're very possible, and a reality for some.
However, most of the time, being outed ends up being a mixture of the two. Some people at school might bully you, but you'll still have your friends and sometimes a group of other people who will stand up for you and respect who you are. Your parents might be angry at first, but later on may start to open up to you. The most important thing is to keep your head up and work your way through it.
If you've been outed take a deep breath. It can be scary, even if things seem to be going well, just because you aren't in control. Maybe you weren't ready to come out, but it happened, so now you can only think about how to deal with the situation. If you step up to act on being outed, you can be in control of what's going on.
Next, take a minute to figure out what you'll do next. Try to figure if you're safe, and assess people's reactions. How are you feeling? Figure out whether or not you want to talk about it right now, or if you need time to regroup and find outside resources.
When you're ready, it's time to take action. If you can, start a conversation about it. This means you're taking back some control over the situation, and you'll be able to help people understand what's going on. It may even give the situation a better outcome. If things aren't looking great, take some time to cool down. Having a conversation when everyone is emotionally charged is unlikely to go well, so it's best to give it a little while. If things aren't safe at school or at home, you may want to seek help from a trusted adult, whether it be a guidance counselor, teacher, neighbor, or family member. You may also want to contact a support group for LGBTQ+ teens.
Just remember: just because you didn't get to come out on your own terms doesn't mean things have to go badly. Just try to stay positive and work your way through it.
In some cases, being outed works out well. Your friends might be really accepting of your identity, and be inclusive and helpful. Your family members might talk to you about the websites to try to understand you better, and everything ends up fine.
Other times, being outed doesn't go that well. You might be bullied at school, and your friends might disrespect your identity. Your parents might yell at you, ignore you, or kick you out of their house. While these may seem extreme, they're very possible, and a reality for some.
However, most of the time, being outed ends up being a mixture of the two. Some people at school might bully you, but you'll still have your friends and sometimes a group of other people who will stand up for you and respect who you are. Your parents might be angry at first, but later on may start to open up to you. The most important thing is to keep your head up and work your way through it.
If you've been outed take a deep breath. It can be scary, even if things seem to be going well, just because you aren't in control. Maybe you weren't ready to come out, but it happened, so now you can only think about how to deal with the situation. If you step up to act on being outed, you can be in control of what's going on.
Next, take a minute to figure out what you'll do next. Try to figure if you're safe, and assess people's reactions. How are you feeling? Figure out whether or not you want to talk about it right now, or if you need time to regroup and find outside resources.
When you're ready, it's time to take action. If you can, start a conversation about it. This means you're taking back some control over the situation, and you'll be able to help people understand what's going on. It may even give the situation a better outcome. If things aren't looking great, take some time to cool down. Having a conversation when everyone is emotionally charged is unlikely to go well, so it's best to give it a little while. If things aren't safe at school or at home, you may want to seek help from a trusted adult, whether it be a guidance counselor, teacher, neighbor, or family member. You may also want to contact a support group for LGBTQ+ teens.
Just remember: just because you didn't get to come out on your own terms doesn't mean things have to go badly. Just try to stay positive and work your way through it.
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