Interview with a Bisexual
Here, you can read an interview with Harper, a bisexual friend of ours.
What do you identify as?
I identify as bisexual but questionable lesbian.
When did you realize that you were bisexual?
I realized that I was bi for sure around the end of sixth grade, meaning I was about 11. I had been crushing on girls for a while before that, though. I had just dismissed it as some passing thing or something that wasn't a crush, just another thing that everybody felt. And obviously, people can know that they're straight at a young age, so why can't they find out they are anything else? The first time I really knew for sure was when there was this girl, and we became really close friends. And I learned that it was okay to like girls when you were a girl. And we got close. I knew at that moment I had a crush. A BIG one. And I knew that I liked girls and boys.
Who have you come out to?
In sixth grade, I told my closest friends. At this time I was still too scared to tell my family because I have always had a difficult time talking to them about crushes and personal things. Just this last school year I was outed to them by one of my friends. NOT fun. When my mom confronted me about it I was really defensive because I wanted to tell her when I was ready. She took this as me saying that I didn't trust them with stuff and that I thought they wouldn't accept me. You never know about that stuff. I am out to my parents, not my brother, most of the people in my grade at school, not my grandparents, and some other friends. (Just don't out people, okay?)
Did you find it hard to motivate yourself to come out? If so, what was hard about it?
I did not find it hard to motivate myself. It was hard to get myself to talk, because I have trouble talking to adults, but not to want to come out. I want people to know that about me, even though a person's sexuality does not define them in any way, shape, or form.
Did you face homophobia when you came out? If so, how did you deal with it? Did you have to explain your identity to anyone?
I did not face homophobia when I came out. The only time I experienced that was when I was down south and most of the people there were homophobic. It scares me that I was nervous to even wear a shirt with a tiny rainbow flag on it. It makes me so sad that I had to be careful about where I wore that shirt.
People sometimes say that bisexuals are "wannabe gays" or "too straight for gay people and too gay for straight people." How do you feel about these stereotypes?
I don't believe in any of that. People need to realize that we are just people too, and it doesn't matter if we like girls and boys or any two genders. I don't understand them.
Hetero-leaning bisexuals are often frowned upon. What do you think about this?
Hetero-leaning bisexuals should be treated the same as everyone else. The level of gay or straight that you are shouldn't matter. What matters is that you treat everyone with respect no matter who they tend to lean for in terms of attraction.
Bisexuality is sometimes attacked for so-called transphobia, as it does not encompass non-binary genders. How is this wrong?
This is completely wrong. Bisexuality is attraction to two genders. This can be girls and boys, which is the most common, non-binary people and girls, non-binary people and boys, etc. If bisexuality is considered transphobic, then why is being straight not considered transphobic? Neither one is. It is just people's preferred sexual attraction. Transphobia is defined as the "intense dislike of or prejudice against transsexual or transgender people." None of that is defined by who people love.
What advice would you give to someone that thinks they might have a similar identity or the same identity as you?
Some advice that I would give to someone who might possibly identify as bisexual or even as a questioning lesbian is that you need to give it time. people change and it will take time to figure things out exactly. And also, don't feel like you are being picky. It is just your preference and you cannot help it. The same goes for if you are thinking about coming out. Don't feel forced to come out, and be patient. You don't want to come out too quickly in an unsafe environment. You have to feel things out. Be safe, loves!
What do you identify as?
I identify as bisexual but questionable lesbian.
When did you realize that you were bisexual?
I realized that I was bi for sure around the end of sixth grade, meaning I was about 11. I had been crushing on girls for a while before that, though. I had just dismissed it as some passing thing or something that wasn't a crush, just another thing that everybody felt. And obviously, people can know that they're straight at a young age, so why can't they find out they are anything else? The first time I really knew for sure was when there was this girl, and we became really close friends. And I learned that it was okay to like girls when you were a girl. And we got close. I knew at that moment I had a crush. A BIG one. And I knew that I liked girls and boys.
Who have you come out to?
In sixth grade, I told my closest friends. At this time I was still too scared to tell my family because I have always had a difficult time talking to them about crushes and personal things. Just this last school year I was outed to them by one of my friends. NOT fun. When my mom confronted me about it I was really defensive because I wanted to tell her when I was ready. She took this as me saying that I didn't trust them with stuff and that I thought they wouldn't accept me. You never know about that stuff. I am out to my parents, not my brother, most of the people in my grade at school, not my grandparents, and some other friends. (Just don't out people, okay?)
Did you find it hard to motivate yourself to come out? If so, what was hard about it?
I did not find it hard to motivate myself. It was hard to get myself to talk, because I have trouble talking to adults, but not to want to come out. I want people to know that about me, even though a person's sexuality does not define them in any way, shape, or form.
Did you face homophobia when you came out? If so, how did you deal with it? Did you have to explain your identity to anyone?
I did not face homophobia when I came out. The only time I experienced that was when I was down south and most of the people there were homophobic. It scares me that I was nervous to even wear a shirt with a tiny rainbow flag on it. It makes me so sad that I had to be careful about where I wore that shirt.
People sometimes say that bisexuals are "wannabe gays" or "too straight for gay people and too gay for straight people." How do you feel about these stereotypes?
I don't believe in any of that. People need to realize that we are just people too, and it doesn't matter if we like girls and boys or any two genders. I don't understand them.
Hetero-leaning bisexuals are often frowned upon. What do you think about this?
Hetero-leaning bisexuals should be treated the same as everyone else. The level of gay or straight that you are shouldn't matter. What matters is that you treat everyone with respect no matter who they tend to lean for in terms of attraction.
Bisexuality is sometimes attacked for so-called transphobia, as it does not encompass non-binary genders. How is this wrong?
This is completely wrong. Bisexuality is attraction to two genders. This can be girls and boys, which is the most common, non-binary people and girls, non-binary people and boys, etc. If bisexuality is considered transphobic, then why is being straight not considered transphobic? Neither one is. It is just people's preferred sexual attraction. Transphobia is defined as the "intense dislike of or prejudice against transsexual or transgender people." None of that is defined by who people love.
What advice would you give to someone that thinks they might have a similar identity or the same identity as you?
Some advice that I would give to someone who might possibly identify as bisexual or even as a questioning lesbian is that you need to give it time. people change and it will take time to figure things out exactly. And also, don't feel like you are being picky. It is just your preference and you cannot help it. The same goes for if you are thinking about coming out. Don't feel forced to come out, and be patient. You don't want to come out too quickly in an unsafe environment. You have to feel things out. Be safe, loves!
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