Interview with an Asexual
In this interview we will introduce you to Andy. We talked to her about coming out, and the many stereotypes that asexuality carries.
What do you identify as?
I am a cisgender female who identifies as asexual heteroromantic.
How old were you when you realized that you were asexual? How did you discover it?
I think deep down I kind of always knew I was asexual, but I came to terms with it in eighth grade. This was the year that kids my age were starting to be very exposed to talk about sex and all that, and I was so confused why everyone made a big deal about something that to me seemed so unappealing and unnecessary.
Who have you come out to?
I've come out to most of my friends. I'm still working up the courage to come out to my parents, but I'm not sure they will be completely accepting.
Did you find it hard to motivate yourself to come out?
To my friends? No. I feel very close to them, and many have come out to me as LGBTQ+, so I trusted them to be accepting. It's a very different story for my parents, as I believe they will be very skeptical when I do eventually come out to them.
Did you face homophobia when you came out? How did/do you deal with it? Did you have to explain your identity to anyone?
I faced very little homophobia upon coming out. Asexuality is usually closely associated with abstinence, which is a good thing in the eyes of most people, so I was not in much danger of homophobia. A few people laughed when I told them, and claimed that it was "stupid" or "made up," but I mostly just defended myself peacefully as much as possible, and the arguments ended quickly. As for explaining my identity, I had to explain it to almost everyone I came out to! Some people even thought I meant the biological definition, of splitting myself in two or growing another organism off of me to reproduce. I've pretty much gotten to be a pro at explaining myself to others.
How would you feel is someone told you that you were too young to know you were asexual?
In my opinion, middle school is not too young to know if you're asexual or not. In most schools there is so much exposure to talk about sex, and there are countless stories of young kids that have already had sex.
How do you feel about people saying that asexuality is faking innocence, or you haven't found the right person yet?
The stereotype that asexuals are pretending to be perfect angels is an unlearned one. Asexuality, and all identities, isn't how one acts, it's how one feels. For example, someone who identifies as asexual may lose their virginity by choice in the sixth grade, another may die a virgin. They're both asexual because they both don't have sexual impulses, but they each chose a different lifestyle. This honestly really bothers me because I know a few other asexuals who don't fit this stereotype at all!
Do you think you'll remain abstinent your whole life?
Oh dear, this is kind of an awkward question! But I guess that's kind of hard to tell. A part of me is absolutely disgusted by sex, but another part of me hopes to possible have kids one day. . It all really depends on who I marry and what they want, assuming I marry at all.
How does an asexual relationship differ from a normal one?
It doesn't differ much! For some people it doesn't even differ at all! It all depends on the person. Some asexuals will have sex and such if their partner wishes to, while others do not. I fall in the second category. For me, I would love to cuddle and hold hands, all that romantic stuff, but not "making out" or having sex. I basically tell people that in a relationship I am looking for everything but the spice!
What advice would you give to someone who thinks they have a similar identity or the same identity as you?
Be yourself! Don't be pressured to feel like you have to wish to have sex, even if everyone else is talking about it. Your identity is valid no matter how many people may say the opposite. Try to be patient with other upon coming out because the complexity of asexuality can sometimes be hard for others to figure out, along with the many skepticisms they may have. Also, try not to bring up your identity in everyday conversation, sex is an awkward topic for everyone!
What do you identify as?
I am a cisgender female who identifies as asexual heteroromantic.
How old were you when you realized that you were asexual? How did you discover it?
I think deep down I kind of always knew I was asexual, but I came to terms with it in eighth grade. This was the year that kids my age were starting to be very exposed to talk about sex and all that, and I was so confused why everyone made a big deal about something that to me seemed so unappealing and unnecessary.
Who have you come out to?
I've come out to most of my friends. I'm still working up the courage to come out to my parents, but I'm not sure they will be completely accepting.
Did you find it hard to motivate yourself to come out?
To my friends? No. I feel very close to them, and many have come out to me as LGBTQ+, so I trusted them to be accepting. It's a very different story for my parents, as I believe they will be very skeptical when I do eventually come out to them.
Did you face homophobia when you came out? How did/do you deal with it? Did you have to explain your identity to anyone?
I faced very little homophobia upon coming out. Asexuality is usually closely associated with abstinence, which is a good thing in the eyes of most people, so I was not in much danger of homophobia. A few people laughed when I told them, and claimed that it was "stupid" or "made up," but I mostly just defended myself peacefully as much as possible, and the arguments ended quickly. As for explaining my identity, I had to explain it to almost everyone I came out to! Some people even thought I meant the biological definition, of splitting myself in two or growing another organism off of me to reproduce. I've pretty much gotten to be a pro at explaining myself to others.
How would you feel is someone told you that you were too young to know you were asexual?
In my opinion, middle school is not too young to know if you're asexual or not. In most schools there is so much exposure to talk about sex, and there are countless stories of young kids that have already had sex.
How do you feel about people saying that asexuality is faking innocence, or you haven't found the right person yet?
The stereotype that asexuals are pretending to be perfect angels is an unlearned one. Asexuality, and all identities, isn't how one acts, it's how one feels. For example, someone who identifies as asexual may lose their virginity by choice in the sixth grade, another may die a virgin. They're both asexual because they both don't have sexual impulses, but they each chose a different lifestyle. This honestly really bothers me because I know a few other asexuals who don't fit this stereotype at all!
Do you think you'll remain abstinent your whole life?
Oh dear, this is kind of an awkward question! But I guess that's kind of hard to tell. A part of me is absolutely disgusted by sex, but another part of me hopes to possible have kids one day. . It all really depends on who I marry and what they want, assuming I marry at all.
How does an asexual relationship differ from a normal one?
It doesn't differ much! For some people it doesn't even differ at all! It all depends on the person. Some asexuals will have sex and such if their partner wishes to, while others do not. I fall in the second category. For me, I would love to cuddle and hold hands, all that romantic stuff, but not "making out" or having sex. I basically tell people that in a relationship I am looking for everything but the spice!
What advice would you give to someone who thinks they have a similar identity or the same identity as you?
Be yourself! Don't be pressured to feel like you have to wish to have sex, even if everyone else is talking about it. Your identity is valid no matter how many people may say the opposite. Try to be patient with other upon coming out because the complexity of asexuality can sometimes be hard for others to figure out, along with the many skepticisms they may have. Also, try not to bring up your identity in everyday conversation, sex is an awkward topic for everyone!
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