Interview with a Pansexual

In this interview, we talked to a pansexual friend of ours named Karen. She told us of her struggles and triumphs finding her sexuality.

What do you identify as?

I'm a cisgender female who identifies as pansexual.

How old were you when you realized that you were pansexual? How did you discover it?

I was twelve. I'd had crushes on guys in the past, and around that time I was starting to develop a crush on a girl I went to school with. At first, I thought I might be bi, but when I was exposed to more non-binary people on the Internet, I realized that I found some of them attractive. It took me a little while to find the word pansexual, but when I did, it just kind of clicked in my head.

Who have you come out to?

I've come out to my parents and sister, as well as my close friends. For everyone else, I don't make it a point to mention that I'm pan, but if someone asks me about my sexuality or if it comes up in a conversation, I talk about it openly.

Did you find it hard to motivate yourself to come out? If so, what was hard about it?

It was hard for me to come out at first because I was so unsure. I didn't mention all of the ideas that I'd had while I was trying to figure out my sexuality, but there were a lot, and I was always scared that maybe I would change my mind again and have to explain myself again to someone. The only person I talked to about my sexuality for a long time was my sister because she knew a lot more about different sexualities than I did.

Did you face homophobia when you came out? If so, how did deal with it?

I actually didn't! Everyone that I've come out to so far has been really accepting.

Did you have to explain your identity to anyone?

Yeah, I did. My mom didn't know what the word "pansexual" meant, but I explained it to her with the help of a few articles from the Internet, and now she understands it.

How did you know you were pan before you met anyone that wasn't a binary gender?

I was really active on the Internet at the time when I was starting to realize that I was pan, and I was in a community where a lot of people were really open about their identities. As I got to know people through this, I realized that it wasn't just girls and guys that I found attractive; I also really liked these people that I knew from the Internet.

Although bisexuality and pansexuality are very similar, some state that bisexuality is transphobic as it doesn't include non-binary genders. Do you agree with this?

I don't at all! I totally respect people that are bi, and I don't think it's transphobic of them to not be attracted to non-binary people. I mean, by this standard, you could also consider straight women or gay men to be misogynistic and transphobic, but no one really looks at it that way. A person's sexuality doesn't define whether or not they're transphobic, it's actions that do that.

A common stereotype of pansexuality is that people with this identity are outgoing and friendly, and will be friends with everyone because "they love everyone." Do you find this statement true?

While some people might find this true about themselves, it definitely doesn't apply to me. Being sexually or romantically attracted to people of all genders doesn't mean that I'll date anyone, and it certainly doesn't mean that I want to be friends with everyone. I still have personal standards like everyone else does, and there are some people that I just don't get along with. Being pan doesn't make me some sort of extroverted superhuman, it just means that it's possible for me to be attracted to people of any gender.

What advice would you give to someone who thinks they may have the same identity or a similar identity as you?

Don't be afraid of who you are! If you think that a certain label fits you, then by all means, use it until you find one that you think fits better! I spent so long being scared that I was wrong, and it's not a fun feeling. Don't worry so much about other people; the most important thing is that you know who you are.